The Greatest ShitPost Fanficiton
by DeathByShyKid
Summary: ShitPosting Fanfiction is Going to be my Aesthetic Now... dinglehoopers... ShitPosting Fanfiction is Going to be my Aesthetic Now... dinglehoopers
1. sAAAAsssyGayy X Haku

Haku sat on the hill by himself looking at the rising sun. He had barely managed to survive Kakashi's killing attack and was now living by himself. He felt tears coming to his eyes. "My mentor/father is dead." He whipped the stray tears from his face, "Whatever shall I do?"

"Well, you know what, Haku?!" An angry and depressed voice came from behind him, "My mentor _and_ father are dead!"

His long, luscious locks flowed slowly alongside his head as he turned towards the very depressed and dark boy before him. "S-S-S-Sasuke?! Whatever are you doing here?!"

"I came here to say…" Dark eyes locked with his as cried big, disgusting anime tears, "I love you and I feel horrible for standing by and letting my sensei hurt you so."

"S-Sasuke…" Haku mumbled. He sucked in a sharp breath as the depresso espresso bOiiiiiii pulled him close. He could feel Sasuke's body heat radiating off him. He sighed in content, "Whatever do you mean?"

Sasuke reaches into his back pocket, pulling out a large, black microphone. He leaned in close to the long-haired boy. Speakers and fireworks seemed to have appeared out of thin air as the Uchiha bOiiiiiii started to sing, his voice bouncing off the valiant valleys. "I KNOW I CAN TREAT YOU BETTER… THAN YOUR SENSEI CAN!" Sasuke screamed, gross anime tears falling off his face onto the microphone that he held in his big yaoi hands.

Haku moaned from his beautiful voice, "uuuuUUUUWAAAAAaAaAa!" And then died.

 **The end… I think…**

 **I'm pretty sure.**

 **I hope so.**

 **-Story composed by your Ultimate Crack-Shipper host,** DeathByShyKid **and my little sister…*screeching can be heard from the background* "IT's oNLy bY oNE yeAR!"**


	2. THE Resurrection Arc no one asked for

"Nooooooiiiii!" Sasuke, the depressed emo child cried out, falling to his knees dramatically. He grabs Haku's limp noodle so dead body, caressing it slowly with gross anime tears in his eyes. "Please…. NOIIIII!" He sobbed out his pain once more, "Art thou leaving me to this desolate and dark lodging, Haku?" His words oh so cryptic, voice quivering as his manga tears dripped uncontrollably onto Haku's cold and so dead face. Sasuke, in disbelief, held his one true love that he only knew for like two minutes and cried out to the full moon night, "Now my mentor, father, _and_ gay ass boyfriend are dead."

Suddenly, a sudden chill runs down his suddenly cold spine so suddenly. Sasuke freeze so suddenly and turning slowly to see Orochimaru suddenly bust through the speakers from beforehand, sudden red and purple fireworks bursting out of his ass so suddenly. The Orochimother slithers his long, radiant tongue towards the suddenly quivering Uchiha boi, caressing the child's cheek so suddenly with his snake-like tongue.

"I can save your love one, but something of equal value must be given in exchange." The gross pedo snake man hissed into the darkness, "Do you love your gay ass boyfriend?"

Sasuke nodded with urgency, "Yes, I love him so much. He is my one true love."

Orochimaru whispers to himself, unheard by the quivering goth thing, "That's what they all say."

"Please, sir, what can I do to bring him back, pelaseeeeeee?!" The Uchiha thing-him-shit-child-man shouted out.

"I literally just told you, YOU FOOL! YOU DUMB t **H** _o_ T boiiiiIIII!" Orochipedo-man, here to save the day, screms.

"Oh." The word was monotone and depressedily coming from SasUKE, "What do I gotta give my good sir who is OBVIOUSLY not a villain or anything?"

"Give to me your body, you dead-ass-head-ass-gay." Orochimaru sensually whispered out, tongue flicking out of his mouth, "Do you want Haku-boy back?"

"More than anything!11 In the!1!11!1 world!1!001. owowowowo" There was a sudden glimmer of hope in the his eyes.

Orochimaru suddenly cronches on that neck and SasUKE cries out in beautiful pain. After leaving his mark on the emo baby, he pulls back and has little blushies all over because of bootiful and oh so painful screm. He grins and screams into the forest, "XD KAWAII DESUUUUUU!"

And just like that, he disappears with a gust of window.

Haku takes a sharp, sudden breath of air as he jolts up. He looks around and sees his poor edgy lover who started to cry once more. In his head, Haku thinks that Sasuke looks like a fucking crybaby who needs a good slap but he keeps the thought to himself. "S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-SASUKE?! Was ded? Me?"

Sasuke nods, "Yes. You ded, but was." They hug, gangly arms wrapping around each other like some dead and deranged octopus. Tears warp down their cheeks, dripping and soaking their limited clothing. It pools around their ankles and spreads to neighboring villages. They sob for hours on end, until all of the vilalges are flooded and are pronounced dead….

\

… _Or so we thought….0_

 **A/N – Yo, never ask me to do this again, unless you want to. Because it was funny. I liked doing this, sometimes. Yeah, my sister begged to do another one.**

 **Tori: to all of the people who do not know me or anything about me..,,… just know**

 **Every single moment of your lives that you feel you are alone…..,,,.,…**

 **Just know**

 **That while you sleep**

 **I am cronching your toes.**

 **Goodnight**

 **And we are done here, bye.**


End file.
